Creative Acronymism When you write about governments and bureaucrats, as I often do, you run across a number of acronyms--CEQA, CHISPA, NOAA, things like that. Governments tend to be predictably uncreative in their use of bureaucratic language. But the activists, the ones usually watch-dogging the boring government agencies behind the equally dull acronyms, now they let those creative juices flow. Locally we''ve been blessed with a number of fun-filled, acronymic grassroots groups like HOPE (Helping Our Peninsula''s Environment) and SOAR (Save Our Air Resources). Others, such as SOW (Save Our Waterfront) and the fledgling MAM (Montereyans Against the Megaplex) should have spent more time at the whiteboard.

But here''s one to beat them all--the newly formed VIEW (Very Important Environmental Waterfront), which is, by the way, suing the city of Monterey for not requiring a new environmental review of the Monterey Peninsula Hotel. Squid wonders how long it took VIEW members to come up with the perfect words to create that catchy acronym. How many combos did they go through? Did they ponder Vigilantes In Every Way, for example, or Viagra Induced Endemic Wingnuts?

Well, some of you may not know it, but Squid is actually an acronym. It''s true. SQUID--Sea creatures Quelling Unjust Invertebrate Destruction. Squid fans who read last week''s column understand why. I''m sick, sick, sick of all this senseless squid killing that''s going on in the bay.

I and my organization intend to put an end to squid fishing once and for all. And if I don''t get my way I''m going to sue the DFG, the MBNMS and the EPA.

A Spy in the House of Anais

The very idea that writers like Robert Louis Stevenson, Mary Austin, Jack London, Henry Miller and Anais Nin once walked the streets of Carmel as residents or guests gets Squid positively giddy with literary glee. And even though my chances of taking up the bohemian life in the tony little town are slim to none, the thought of Carmel''s cottages being replaced by faux-Mediterranean mini-mansions makes me positively nauseous. So when the Friends of Carmel Cultural Heritage (FCCH) last week announced their petition for a preliminary injunction against the city of Carmel-by-the-Sea (CbtS) and the City Council of Carmel-by-the-Sea (CCCbtS), Squid took notice.

At issue are demolition permits for the Sea Urchin and Periwinkle cottages and the Hitchcock House, but the real issue, says FCCH member Enid Sales, is the cumulative loss of Carmel''s cultural heritage by a careless government.

"Carmel is a very fragile community and it''s a very important community," Sales told Squid. "The lack of concern for its overall importance is appalling to many of us."

Squid''s as appalled as anyone about the state of the Carmel cottage, but the real surprise comes in a press release from FCCH. "What is going on in Carmel-by-the-Sea?" it says. "The new Mayor was formerly with the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA). Now, big-government-style Council sessions seem not to give equal time to dissenting voices."

Sue McCloud? A spy? How did this escape Squid''s attention?

Sure enough, it''s true. McCloud avers that she spent 31 years as an operative in France, England, Switzerland, Sweden and Japan. But that information, she says a little testily, is not just irrelevant, it''s common knowledge. "It''s absolutely no secret," she says. "It''s all over my campaign literature."

Hmm. Maybe if Squid had some of that expert training these things wouldn''t slip past so easily...

Send Squid undercover: squid@coastweekly.com.