GOOD FENCES... Ahhh, the sweet smell of pork in the morning. In truth, Squid likes bacon, but not pork barrels. Squid's talking about the Naval Postgraduate School's soon-to-be built $2.1 million new perimeter fence, which is being erected thanks to money secured by Rep. Sam Farr. Construction began Oct. 29.

According to the NPS public affairs office, "this project balances the Naval Postgraduate School's efforts to maintain the historic beauty of the campus while implementing enhanced security and force protection requirements." Hmmm.

"Stucco pillars topped with red tile will support the wrought iron fence line and serve to connect the historic nature of the campus' main structure, Herrmann Hall, with the greater Monterey community."

Oh, good. Now Squid can rest easy at night. Sure, we're at war in Iraq, and Al Qaeda may plan an attack on American soil at any time. But defense spending locally is going to good use, building a stylish fence, for the benefit of the greater Monterey community.

PARTY DOWN... Squid's got a three-pronged test for determining whether or not a day deserves to be proclaimed a holiday: Does it involve presents for Squid? Does it mean the Coast Weekly office is closed? Finally, does the day present a valid excuse to drink heavily? If Squid can't answer yes to one-preferably all-of the above questions, than a holiday it ain't. Which begs the question: Who's responsible for the barrage of faxes, e-mails and otherwise silly announcements declaring [pick any date] to celebrate [pick any subject-like monkeys, or pirate doors]. Here are a few stupid examples: May 5-11: Wildfire Awareness Week. Hmmm, bad choice of days on that one. Or how about this: May 4-10 is officially Drinking Water Week. Because no one drinks any water on the other 358 days of the year.

On Nov. 4, the County Supes sadly jumped on the name-the-day bandwagon, and adopted a resolution proclaiming Nov. 5 as "Law Enforcement Records and Support Personnel Day" for law enforcements agencies in Monterey County. Did Squid receive presents on Nov. 5? No. Did Squid have to work? Yes. Did Squid drink heavily? Yes, but there was really no causal relationship between the brew and the law enforcement records. Oh well, Squid's sure another holiday, like, maybe, National Hubcap Day, is rolling right around the corner.

GO JOHNNY... Speaking of sleeping easy, on Nov. 1, Squid's fave state Assemblymember John Laird announced he will run for a second term. Now that outgoing state Sen. Bruce McPherson's decided he won't challenge Laird when he's termed out of the state senate, it looks like smooth sailing for Laird in Nov. 2004. At his press conference, Laird talked about his accomplishments (he authored more bills signed into law than any other first-term Assemblymember) and his vision for the future (higher teacher salaries), and then he said something really funny, which is why Squid loves him so: "I guess it's not really a surprise at this point," Laird said, about him seeking reelection. "I should announce the Cubs are going to win the pennant. Now that would be a real surprise."