THE HOSPITAL THAT CARES... Squid was intrigued by the vellum-wrapped invitation, and decided to attend one evening of Salinas Valley Memorial's week-long soiree last week. Upon arrival, Squid was seduced by the lavish decor--big white tents, Carmel-stone fountains, tables straining under huge piles of King Crab legs and fancy wine. Squid was dazzled by the fashion show, the guest speakers, the TV-anchor MC, the disco, the gift bag. Squid felt almost grateful to the pharmaceutical companies or medical suppliers or whoever ponied up the $200,000 for the shindig. But then Squid felt queasy. Neither the hospital nor the pharmaceutical companies nor medical suppliers have given one thin dime to the Measure Q campaign, which aims to help Natividad Hospital provide care for the County's needy.

THINK PINK AND WINDOWS... Just when Squid thought it was safe to remove the duct tape and plastic from the windows. According to the US Consumer Product Safety Commission and the Window Covering Safety Council, October is National Window Covering Safety Month. So imagine how silly Squid feels, wearing a pink ribbon on Squid's Ralph Lauren Pink Pony T-shirt, shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue during its annual Fashion Targets Breast Cancer event. For all these years, Squid thought breast cancer was the only thing Squid had to be aware of during October. Squid thought wrong.

Squid's attention should have also been drawn to window cord hazards. Squid should have spent the past week urging parents to repair or replace their old window coverings with today's safer, more child-friendly products. "Window cords can represent a strangulation hazard to your children," reads one so-called news article written by the Window Covering Safety Council.

Squid will add this to the list of things to worry about while Squid lies in Squid's kelp bed at night. Terrorist attacks. SARS. Breast Cancer. And now window coverings.

WHAT'S IN A NAME... Speaking of terrorists--the ones with library cards--Squid will be at a Soledad forum on Oct.16, hosted by the Monterey County Community Alliance to Protect Civil Liberties, at 7pm, in the Mission Room at Soledad High School. A panel including Monterey attorney Michelle Welsh and Aurelio Salazar Jr., president of the Salinas chapter of the League of United Latin American Citizens, will talk about "the potential abuse of our constitutional rights the act allows." They're talking about the USA PATRIOT Act, John Ashcroft's nifty little bill that allows Big Brother to search library records, mosques and book store purchases, and conduct roving wire taps and the like. Squid's not a big fan. But on the bright side of the obliteration of Squid's civil liberties, four cities in California--including Pacific Grove and Salinas--have passed resolutions challenging the law.

Salinas attorney Sue Sutton, the smarty-pants (Squid is a big fan) behind the Salinas and PG resolutions, says: "One needs to wonder what the true definition of 'America' is in this use." Squid's thoughts exactly.