SHOOTOUT WITH THE SHERIFF?… Squid’s not usually a braggart. It’s such a lame practice, really, boasting one’s self up all over the place. True, Squid’s smart, talented and hot. More to the point, Squid learned last week that Squid may now be entitled to add “clairvoyant” to that list. Yes—Squid can occasionally predict the future.

In January, Squid wrote: “Squid’s got a hunch that any deputy challenging his boss for the position of top cop will end up with a new post, like patrolling for wayward cows in South County on the midnight shift.”

Well, Squid needed only to hang out at Starbucks for a morning perusing the singles ads to overhear that the buzz at the MONTEREY COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT is that VINCE EARLAND, who challenged his boss MIKE KANALAKIS for the title of Sheriff this past June, was called into Internal Affairs shortly after the election.

Sadly, Earland wouldn’t return Squid’s calls to confirm the gossip. But if true, Squid is not only clairvoyant, but sad. While there’s no indication ol’ Vince is going to end up patrolling for wayward cows, it’d be a shame to think that, God forbid, running against the boss could land you under IA’s spotlight.

Squid sure hopes the gossip is just that, gossip. If not, Squid hopes there’s valid reason for the IA—something other than campaign strategies or calling the boss’s abilities into question. Otherwise, Squid’s gonna be squealing foul. And squealing mollusks ain’t pretty.

MORE SUMMER READING… Squid has word from his fellow beady-eyed brethren—the ground squirrels that run the show at SEASIDE HIGH—that the folks at MPUSD have lined up a new program to help smooth the painful transition from the summer months back to the rigors of the school year. Knowing the shift was already hard enough to make in the context of teenage angst—and in the middle of a gorgeous summer—MPUSD is introducing classes without teachers.

On the first day of school Monday, a number of sophomores were told to “bring a book” in lieu of working through a lesson, presumably because the district has not yet found a teacher for the class. Squid can only salute that kind of unconventional compassion—not to mention to enviable thriftiness of it, which no doubt allows California to cement its spot near the bottom of the list in per-pupil funding. A recent “Quality Counts 2006” report by EDUCATION WEEK ranks California 43th in the country.