Who Do You Trust… Chemtrails and UFOs in the sky. Fluoridated water. Elvis listening in. Ah, yes, Squid can talk conspiracy theory with the best of ‘em. But lately, Squid’s favorite conspiracy theory hits a little big closer to home, and has to do with the Monterey County Planning Commission.

“How ‘coincidental’ that [recent] appointments made to the Monterey County Planning Commission by elected supervisors have ALL been admitted members of the illustrious big money/special interest Refinement Group/Plan for the People,” writes a tipster, referring to Nancy Isakson , Jay Brown , and, most recently, Steve Pessagno, a winemaker appointed by Supervisor Simón Salinas to replace long-time commissioner Miguel Errea. “Even more coincidentally, “ said tipster continues, “Pessagno is not a resident of District 3 (the district he is charged to represent). He actually resides in District 5 – his winery is located on River Road, west of Hwy 101 – also in District 5.”

Pessagno, and Plan for the People, opposed the smart-growth Measure A general plan, defeated by voters last June. And now that the environmental review process for GPU5 is about to begin, some might think county supes are intentionally stacking the Planning Commission in favor of a pro-growth document. But not Squid. Squid’s pretty sure Pessagno faked NASA’s moon landing.

Rice Isn’t Nice… Squid was at Hartnell College last Saturday for some Division IV quarterfinal high school basketball. First, Pacific Grove squeaked by Santa Cruz, then Palma batted around Sunnyvale for a while, working Squid’s appetite into a frenzy. Out near the snack bar, about five kids were buzzing deliriously. “No–you ask!” “No. You ask!” Squid was moved. Clearly the youngsters wanted Squid’s autograph.

Squid reached for a sleeve to wipe the nacho cheese off Squid’s chin when a hot blonde walked up to a guy in front of Squid. “Hi,” Blondie said to the man. “This is my basketball team, and they’re too shy to ask you for your autograph.”

The man was 49er/Raiders/Seahawks NFLer Jerry Rice. Not exactly Squid’s caliber, but whatever. Squid’s over it. “Nope. I don’t do autographs,” Rice shot back. Coach responded fast to the look of rejection spreading across the little boys’ faces, and herded them off.

“Never forget how you feel right now,” Coach said. “Even in high school, you’ll be big stars to little boys. Don’t ever make them feel like you feel right now.” Some lessons just can’t be taught during the regular season.