HIGH NOON… Call it post-traumatic election syndrome, but Squid is itching for a good old-fashioned political showdown – or better yet, a shootout. Though the primary for the Monterey County Sheriff race is more than a year away, Squid is salivating for a “who’s the biggest man?” face-off between Sheriff Mike Kanalakis and Cmdr. Fred Garcia. Squid hears Garcia wants his boss’ job and when Kanalakis got wind, he moved Garcia from South County patrol commander – where he might have been able to secure donations from land owners and ranchers – to an unflattering training supervisor. Sounds in keeping with Kanalakis’ bullying style – recall martial law in Big Sur during the Basin Complex fire. Though Squid hasn’t shared a PBR with Garcia, he seems like a nice guy, which is already an improvement over Kanalakis. There may also be a wild-card contender from the Salinas Police Department. A tipster says Gang Task Force Cmdr. Bob Eggers is mulling a run for sheriff, but is awaiting word on whether Police Chief Louis Fetherolf promotes him to a new deputy chief position. Jumping ship from city to county would be risky for Eggers, who is nearing retirement age. But whoever takes on Kanalakis better take some fundraising cues from Obama, because the Republican sheriff has enough bucks corralled to put on his own rodeo. Squid is reserving box seats.

TACTLESS TORO… It’s no secret that Squid likes to snack on politicians and public figures. Douse them in enough Tapatío and ketchup, and they’re scrumptious little snacks. But Squid knows when to draw the line. Sadly, not everyone is as savvy. A couple weeks back, a grandma pulls into a parking space at Toro Park Elementary, a public school paid for by – ding ding ding – We The People. The sweet, sweet granny was there to watch her sweet, sweet grandbaby play Little League baseball. Squid’s teary just thinking about it. What G-ma didn’t realize was that the public space she pulled into displayed a sign announcing it was reserved for the Gillott Family, of Gillott Ranches. As a taxpayer, Squid doesn’t remember approving that land sale. But surely they’d forgive a little old lady. Umm, nope. Sources say a big-ass Hummer pulled in behind Granny, and the driver read her the riot act about towing her car, blah-blah-freakin-blah. Bullied, berated and embarrassed, Granny left. No one at Toro Elementary knew quite what to tell Squid, but one staffer did manage to jack the words right out of Squid’s mouth: “I wish we could sell tact.”