SHOP STEWARD… Squid was loitering at Macy’s in Monterey last Saturday when Salinas Police Chief Dan Ortega caught Squid’s beady eye.

Remembering a picture of Ortega on the front page of the local daily that morning, wiping a tear from his eye, Squid ran to console the sad, sad chief and tell him Salinas would soon be OK, raising lots of money for new, well-trained, psychologically sound cops.

But hearing the grief-struck Ortega, Squid could see he was clearly over his sob fest from the day before. Instead, Ortega was joking while the clerk waxed philosophical about the hundreds of dollars the chief was saving by shopping on sale day.

Just as Squid was about to offer a tentacled hello, the chief began bagging on the Salinas Macy’s. “No selection” and “no good brands” over there, he said, before whipping out his credit card.

Squid watched the hundreds of dollars ring up and could almost see all the sales tax dollars fly out of Ortega’s wallet right into the city of Monterey’s hands.

Squid tried to squeal “Wait!” but no sound came out. Disappointment will do that to a mollusk.

WELCOME WAGON’S IN THE SHOP… Squid barely remembers Squid’s college chemistry lab partner – the smart, cute one who brushed up on Squid’s tentacles during stoichiometry reviews. Squid didn’t pay attention – too busy crushing on the professor.

Fast-forward to the 2008 presidential election. If Squid weren’t blinded into droolly submission by Obama’s mega-watt smile Squid might have noticed another totally righteous presidential nominee – Green Party candidate Cynthia McKinney. For more than a decade, the former Georgia congresswoman has stood up for women of color, human rights and fair voting. She demanded answers about 9/11 and the death of Tupac Shakur; she tried to impeach Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice.

But Squid isn’t the only one who accidentally snubbed McKinney. The Associated Students of Monterey Peninsula College somehow forgot to greet her when she showed up for her scheduled Feb. 18 presentation. When her hotel rejected the credit card number MPC had provided to pay for her room, she left. The Dems and Greens gathered at MPC were told the presentation was canceled just minutes before it was supposed to start.

Student Activities Coordinator Julie Osborne says the whole thing was a “lack of communication between the students,” and they’ve rescheduled McKinney for March 10.

Squid will be sure to show up this time… with flowers.