CARMEL PORN… Squid has a soft spot for Pacific Grove – always being compared unfavorably to its froofy southern neighbor. P.G. has less money, fewer tourists, and shabbier dogs than Carmel. But when Squid considers how the two cities have handled smarmy allegations against a top official, P.G. comes out on top.

The connections are uncanny. Carmel HR Director Jane Miller alleges former Carmel community services director Christie Miller – no relation – was once involved in some discreet, career-boostin’ hanky-panky with (married) Carmel City Administrator Rich Guillen. Meanwhile over in P.G., their men were also locking horns: Jane’s husband Scott Miller, then a P.G. City Councilman, didn’t protest the firing of former P.G. rec director John Miller – Christie’s husband.

Now Jane has hired Michael Stamp, the same ball-busting attorney who won hubby Scott a hefty sum in his wrongful-termination lawsuit against P.G., where he himself was canned as police chief.

Jane’s allegations of age – and sex-based discrimination in Carmel echo gay cop Darrin Smolinski’s ongoing lawsuit against P.G. – alleging homophobic discrimination by none other than Scott Miller, among others. But at least P.G. officials have been savvy in their response. Then-city manager Jim Colangelo said an independent attorney was investigating the claims, and if they proved to be true, those responsible would face serious consequences.

Carmel, meanwhile, is playing dead on Jane’s claims. The lawyers aren’t talking, Guillen isn’t talking, and none of the Millers are talking. The city won’t even address whether it’s investigating. Mayor Sue McCloud, who usually humors Squid’s niggling questions, tried to make the whole mess go away: “You’re making a lot out of nothing, and I’m not gonna say anything more to you on this,” she said, and hung up.

DRIVE TIME… California American Water supporters didn’t turn out en masse at the California Public Utilities Commission’s first of four public hearings this week. But the unpopular water company has a friend in Pacific Grove Chamber of Commerce President Moe Ammar, who praised the German-owned corporation: “Cal Am has been a good neighbor, a good corporate citizen. That is why I drive a Mercedes Benz instead of a GM.”

So Ammar shelled out a pretty penny on his Mercedes to show his solidarity with poor, picked-on Cal Am. And all this time Squid thought it was simply a status symbol. Too bad an Italian company doesn’t own the Peninsula’s water supply systems, because Squid thinks Ammar would look hot in a Ferrari.