Thursday, May 7, 2009
SPECIAL PANDEMIC EDITIONIs it true that most Mexicans are carriers of the swine flu due to the fact they eat a lot of chicharrones, or is it the fact that your women are so pig-like? I knew that Mexicans have muy shitty diets, but now we have to worry about them infecting us with a pig-borne disease? Maybe we should put Clorox in the Rio Grande to cleanse your people while they swim to our country illegally. Any ideas? Penis is Gnat-Small
Dear PIGS: Amazingly, yours was the only cochino query that the Mexican received in the two weeks since the emergence of the most destructive “Mexican” pathogen desde Carlos Mencia. Only time will tell whether the swine flu will fizzle out or turn us all into zombies, so I’ll limit my comentario to a few salient puntos. Firstly, most of the American cases first affected non-Mexicans, and nearly all of the infected arrived legally from Mexico, so no need to blame the illegals this time, Know Nothings. The best way to protect oneself from any disease is pozole with serrano peppers, onions, and a tequila chaser. And finally, instead of labeling this disease as swine flu, let us all unite in calling it the Lou Dobbs flu, both to the CNN’s porcine appearance and because his opinions are little better than pig caca, but hella more dangerous.I’m a mother to a beautiful 5-year-old. Her father and I are of different ethnicities; he’s Greek. I’m a dark-skinned Mexicana and proud of it! My daughter has Mediterranean olive skin with crystal-blue eyes a head of gorgeous chestnut hair. The other day, I took her into the pediatrician. While waiting there, a woman asked how long I had been nannying and if I babysat on my free time. I politely said I wasn’t this child’s nanny but her mother. She looked unconvinced, then had the huevos to ask me if I adopted her and from where. Why is it impossible for gabachos to believe that darker-skinned Mexicans can make gringo-looking babies? I’ve Got the Scar to Prove It
Dear Wabette: You need to be more sympathetic to the intellectual plight of gabachos. This column exists solely because most of them can’t fathom simple issues like why we like salsa so much; you honestly expect them to comprehend that Mexis come in all colores.