SPOILER ALERT… Squid was in the mood for a flick last week, perhaps a rom-com to confirm that somewhere – other than in the Weekly’s online comments, where a pair of Steve Collins fans calling themselves “greatgranny” and “oldguy49” are forming a mutual affection over a Marina Coast Water District story – love still exists. Squid favors the Osio, where the counter help indulges Squid’s shellfish love by microwaving shrimp-flavored butter for Squid’s popcorn. But last week found Squid in the wilds of Salinas. Who knew in this “dangerous” town, the 7:30pm showing of Magic Mike at the Maya might be the most dangerous place of all?


The scene: about 300 women (and a handful of gay men), no small amount of illicit alcohol secreted in enormous Vuitton bags, and the debaucherous sense that, hey, if Channing Tatum is willing to bare it all, so should the poor Maya worker who was tasked with cleaning up after the out-of-control, Real-Housewives-of-Salinas crowd. As he wheeled a garbage can into the darkened theater, women began yelling at him, “Take it off! Take it off!” And so it was that the young man raised his shirt, flashed a decently toned chest and became the stuff of legend as the horde went wild. No word on whether the unnamed worker made it to his car alive; he was last seen posing with women for post-movie pics. 


LAW AND ORDNANCE… Squid always appreciates a nonviolent monkeywrenching. And Gordon Smith – the affable Vietnam-vet-turned-treehugger who became the poster child in the push to declare Fort Ord National Monument – delivered June 24, when he hung a mammoth “Soldiers Memorial Field” sign over the track where soldiers once trained for combat. The area, which Smith and friends in the new Veterans Wild Fort Ord group spruced, is potentially spiked with dangerous munitions. Smith’s crew knew they were trespassing, and their sign flipped a star-spangled middle finger at the Fort Ord Reuse Authority.


Although Smith started the VWFO Facebook group only two weeks ago, it’s already got some high-profile names among its 95 members, including State Assemblyman Bill Monning, County Sheriff Scott Miller and Carmel Mayor Jason Burnett. It also has photos and a statement on the illegal action.


Last week Burnett, a FORA board director, visited the site with Smith and helped rake the track. But he didn’t know he was admiring illegal handiwork in an off-limits area. “Had I known, I wouldn’t have been there,” he tells Squid. “I’m certainly supportive of the outdoor recreation opportunities. It doesn’t mean I am endorsing unauthorized activity.”


Of course not, Future President Burnett. Of course not.